Have you ever wondered what goes on behind closed doors on a sex therapist’s couch when a diminished sex drive is front and center? Of course, medical issues and hormonal fluctuations aside, we in the gynecology world have borrowed some tried and true strategies from our mental health colleagues to optimize intimacy for those who feel they have lost their mojo in the bedroom and are distressed by it. To be clear, some women naturally feel their sexual drive waxes and wanes from time to time, and this is normal. Others claim they could take it or leave it when it comes to sex and that’s ok too. For those who want to optimize and energize their experience, it’s time for a workout!
Make time for date night…
Or maybe date day or a date morning. It’s super important to prioritize time for intimacy and connection with your partner. With endless multitasking and never-ending responsibilities, both professionally and personally for women, intimacy can rank rather low on the to-do list. This is especially true when partners’ schedules don’t jive or privacy is hard to come by. I recommend regularly scheduled time, once weekly or biweekly to connect. Put it in the calendar in pen, no cancellations allowed. Plan time and even an activity, if time allows, when all else is put on the back burner. The housework, unanswered emails and bill paying all can wait! Even a short rendezvous will leave you relaxed, renewed and excited for your next date!
Sometimes you just need some sex on the brain…
In the sex therapy world, this is a euphemistically called “bibliotherapy”. Oftentimes, homework is assigned. This includes engaging for 10-15 minutes in erotic reading or watching a suggestive video to facilitate sexual thoughts and fantasy. Choose a medium that is comfortable for you, be it a romantic novel, a sexy film genre or outright pornography. Eventually, the hope is that these sexy thoughts become more spontaneous and translate into enhanced desire and activity.
Eliminate the ho hum, hum drum bedroom experience.
Not so infrequently when couples have been together for many years, albeit happily, sexual boredom takes hold. Couples typically get into an unimaginative routine with the same rituals and little excitement. Novelty is a great way to break out of this rut. Try having sex in another room of the house or a different time of day. Incorporate playful props or a new massage oil, for example. Consider position changes or alternate forms of intimacy to spice things up. The possibilities are endless!
Take a walk on the wild side… if you dare
Sexual toys and props are hugely popular to enhance intimate play and to add a new level of excitement. Role play and fantasy can also help to take the sexual experience to the “next level” for consenting adults.
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Give some or all these recommendations a try, at your own pace to add a little excitement back into your bedroom routine. Happy sexercising!