Menopause is a natural life stage that every woman will transition through. It’s no secret, however, that symptoms that can accompany menopause, such as vaginal dryness, or a decline in sexual desire, can have a negative impact on the level of intimacy experienced in your personal relationship(s).
Here we talk more about intimacy, how it can change during menopause and what you can do to support sexual wellness during this period and beyond.
What is Intimacy?
Intimacy isn’t just about physical closeness; it’s the emotional connection that binds two people together. It’s about feeling secure enough to be your true self and sharing the most vulnerable parts of you without fear of judgment. It’s trust, warmth, and that unspoken bond that deepens as you grow together with your partner. And it’s more than just the act of sex; it’s about being present with each other and connecting on every level.
Intimacy can take many forms, emotional, physical, intellectual, and even spiritual. Over the years, you may notice that what intimacy looks like changes, and that’s okay. Your body and brain evolve, and so does your connection with your partner.
Intimacy after menopause can introduce new challenges, but it can also offer an opportunity to explore deeper, more meaningful ways to connect with your partner. While this phase in life may signal the end of fertility, it doesn't mark the end of the desire for intimacy, it’s simply a chance to reinvent it.
Defining Types of Intimacy
At its core, intimacy is often about feeling truly connected and understood by your partner. It’s where you can be open, vulnerable, and authentic without fear of rejection. And it’s more than just the act of sex; it’s about building trust and understanding, creating a safe place where both partners can be their full selves. When there’s mutual respect and a sense of security, intimacy grows naturally.
Being vulnerable with your partner, whether it's sharing a hidden fear or a secret dream, creates closeness. It’s not always easy, but it’s incredibly rewarding. Authenticity is equally important and when you show up as your real self, without pretending or holding back, you invite intimacy to thrive. This is the real magic of connection.
When a partnership nurtures trust, vulnerability, and authenticity, intimacy then becomes a strong, unshakable bond.1 It’s more than just physical touch; intimacy is about being emotionally and mentally present with each other, which is key to a healthy, fulfilling relationship,2 during menopause and beyond; a lot of it comes down to changing your mindset.
Sexual Intimacy
Sexual intimacy isn’t always just about physical touch, it’s also a unique way of connecting, sharing, and exploring. It’s about feeling comfortable, supported, and free to communicate your desires without fear of judgment. When both partners feel safe to explore and share their sexual preferences and fantasies, it can strengthen the relationship and deepen the connection between partners.
The truth is, sexual intimacy is far more than just the act of sex itself. It’s the emotional closeness that makes the physical act meaningful, the communication that makes it enjoyable, and the desire to relate deeply with your partner on all levels.
Intimacy After Menopause
When menopause occurs, so too do changes in your body and mind. Hormonal shifts during this time can affect everything from your libido to how you feel about your body. Symptoms like hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, and mood swings may impact both your physical comfort and emotional well-being, which can all affect your relationship with intimacy. Certain medications, as well as certain medical conditions, can also shift how you think about intimacy.
Personal cultures and values systems, in addition to life responsibilities also play a role. Balancing concerns about children (or becoming empty nesters), aging parents, or a lack of privacy can create emotional strain, leaving little space for fostering intimacy.3 These shifts can challenge the sexual intimacy you once shared with your partner.
But here’s the thing: menopause doesn’t signal the end of your sexual or emotional connection, it’s simply a change, and with change comes the opportunity to adapt, grow, and explore new and exciting ways to unite with your partner.
During this transitional phase of life, it’s not uncommon for women to experience a drop in libido or physical sensitivity, or to struggle with symptoms like vaginal dryness, which can make sex uncomfortable. While these symptoms are not unusual, they can be addressed with a variety of treatments, from moisturizers and lubricants to systemic hormone replacement therapy or topical/vaginally applied prescriptions.3
It’s also always important to be open and communicative with your partner about how you're feeling and what you need. Menopause doesn’t have to mean the end of intimacy, just a shift; it requires a bit of creativity, patience, and understanding.
Reigniting Sexual Intimacy
While menopause may bring frustrating physical and emotional symptoms, it also offers a chance to redefine what makes intimacy special. If sexual intimacy feels different or is more difficult, here are a few things to consider to getting back on track:
● Explore New Ways to Engage Physically: Vaginal dryness can be managed with lubricants and/or vaginal moisturizers, and if you're struggling with discomfort, your healthcare provider may recommend treatments like vaginal estrogen or other therapies.
● Talk About What Feels Good for You: Open communication with your partner is key. If something doesn’t feel right, speak up. If you’re unsure about something, ask your partner and communicate openly with them.
● Try New Positions: Certain sexual positions can alleviate discomfort by giving you more control over depth and angle. Play around to see what feels best for both of you and talk through it.
● Focus on Foreplay: Sometimes the journey is just as important as the destination. Long, sensual kisses, massages, or simply enjoying each other’s company can rekindle connection and pleasure. Don’t rush, it’s about enjoying the moment.
Non-Sexual Intimacy
If physical intimacy is the last thing on your mind right now, that’s okay. Non-sexual intimacy can be just as powerful, if not more so. Deepening your emotional bond with your partner is a beautiful way to strengthen your relationship, even durng times when physical intimacy feels more challenging.
Some non-sexual forms of intimacy can include spending quality time together, being present with each other, and creating meaningful experiences to help restore a sense of connection. Whether it’s a shared hobby, date night, or heartfelt conversation, these moments of closeness are the foundation of non-sexual intimacy.4
Being vulnerable, expressing your needs and desires, and showing up for each other during difficult times creates a strong bond that can carry you through the ups and downs of life. Non-sexual intimacy doesn’t replace physical closeness; instead, it enhances it and paves the way for greater synchronization, in every way.
Practical Tips for Reconnecting with Your Partner:
For Sexual Intimacy:
● Get Help from Your Healthcare Provider: Hormone Therapy (HT), lubricants, and other medical prescriptions can help manage physical symptoms like vaginal dryness or discomfort during sex. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your provider for support.
● Review Your Medications: Some medications may contribute to low libido or sexual dysfunction. If you think this might be a factor, talk to your healthcare provider about possible alternatives or adjustments.
● Make Use of Lubricants: Vaginal dryness is a common menopause symptom, but it’s manageable with lubricants and moisturizers.
● Experiment with New Ways to Stimulate Your Senses: Explore different forms of touch or try personal massagers or other tools that can help bring you and your partner closer together.
● Relax Together: If stress is a barrier, try mindfulness exercises, meditation, or taking a warm bath together. Reducing anxiety can enhance intimacy and connection.5
For Non-Sexual Forms of Intimacy: 6, 7
● Spend Time Together: Plan regular activities to nurture your emotional bond, whether it’s going on a walk, watching a movie, or talking about your day. It’s about creating space and time to connect.
● Be Vulnerable: Open up to your partner about how you’re feeling, whether it’s about menopause, your relationship, or your dreams. Vulnerability fosters trust and connection.
● Seek Support if You Need It: If you’re struggling with emotional changes, talking to a therapist or counselor can help you navigate your feelings and rediscover intimacy.
It’s About the Journey
Menopause brings change, but it’s important to remember that it doesn’t signal the end of intimacy.8 In fact, it’s a new chapter and one that offers the opportunity to redefine what intimacy means for you and your partner. Whether it’s rediscovering sexual intimacy or deepening your non-sexual intimacy, there are plenty of ways to keep connections strong and evolving.
Intimacy isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s a deeply personal journey that progresses with you. So, take your time, communicate openly, and explore all the ways you can connect with your partner. After all, intimacy is about feeling close, and that’s always worth striving for.
Resources:
- https://psychcentral.com/relationships/intimacy-definition-types-tips#what-is-intimacy
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-discomfort-zone/202408/emotional-intimacy-the-key-to-a-resilient-and-fulfilling
- https://www.health.harvard.edu/womens-health/yes-you-can-have-better-sex-in-midlife-and-in-the-years-beyond
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-discomfort-zone/202408/emotional-intimacy-the-key-to-a-resilient-and-fulfilling
- https://www.webmd.com/menopause/sex-menopause
- https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/how-sex-changes-after-menopause
- https://www.ncoa.org/article/why-is-intimacy-important-in-older-adults
- https://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/geriatrics/social-issues-in-older-adults/intimacy-and-older-adults
