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Five Things About Menopause No One Told Me

Bonny Osterhage

Written by Bonny Osterhage

Bonny Osterhage

Written by Bonny Osterhage

I remember a day in the fifth grade when all the girls in my class were herded into the library to watch an animated video on menstruation, and listen to the school nurse give a brief, perfunctory explanation of the changes our bodies would go through in the next couple of years. It was supposed to be informative, and it was, in the sense that we knew what was going to happen, and why. However, it was the things that the film left out that probably would’ve been the most helpful. For example, what to do if you get your period and experience a leak at school, how to use a tampon, and how to handle the occasional public crying jag; these words of wisdom would have been much more useful at the time.

I guess I should be grateful, because fast forward 40 years and I could really use an animated feature on menopause. As much as people like to give young girls a heads up on the changes that occur during puberty, talking openly about menopause is a whole different story. In fact, there is almost secretiveness around the topic. Every woman goes through it, but no one wants to admit it. Maybe that’s because society doesn’t applaud women for aging, and menopause can often feel like the nail in the coffin of our youth.

Of course most of us over 40 know the basics; our hormone production declines, and we can experience hot flashes, insomnia, moodiness, weight gain and a host of other fun symptoms. But what we don’t know until we are knee deep in a puddle of our own sweat in the middle of winter is that there is so much more to it than that. Here are five things I wish I’d known before menopause reared its head. 

1. It can strike much earlier than you think…and last much longer. Unlike your first period, which tells you with absolute certainty that you have hit puberty, determining your actual last period can be unusually tricky, which makes the timing of your own menopause more confusing. In fact, by the time you have your last period, you have probably been experiencing “premenopausal symptoms” such as sleeplessness, increased irritability, night sweats, or lighter periods, for years. Menopause is a gradual process that, according to, typically occurs between the ages of 40 and 58. But it’s not just a “one and done” Experience. It’s ongoing and can be exhausting both physically and mentally until you get the symptoms under control.

2. “Mood Swings” are not a strong enough term. The words “mood swing” do not come close to describing what I experienced during my stages of menopause. While every woman is different, my moodiness was more akin to having multiple personalities. One minute I was laughing, and then I’d find myself raging and yelling over something as insignificant as a driver cutting me off in traffic. The worst part, however, was the depression. I actually sunk into a very dark place that culminated with me lying on my kitchen floor crying hysterically for absolutely no reason. That’s when I knew something was very wrong. A trip to the doctor assured me I was not losing my mind as I suspected but was instead in the throes of early menopause.

3. You may have mixed emotions about going through menopause. I actually cried (ok—see above—I was moody) when my doctor called me with the news. It wasn’t that I wanted any more children, it was that the choice was now not mine to make anymore. I began to view myself differently and the word “old” kept creeping into my head. It took a little while to reconcile the way I felt, which was more fit and healthy than I was in my 20s, with the fact that my body was in fact, going through a natural aging process.

4. Hot flashes can and will occur anytime, anywhere. They are the menopausal equivalent of that time you got your period in homeroom. Seriously. It’s not like being outside on a hot day, or even being sweaty in your favorite exercise class. It is a unique form of internal heat that feels like you may burst into flames at any moment—but you don’t. Instead you just become a sweaty, hot mess. Good times!

5. The Liberation. The biggest thing I wish someone had told me is that for all the inconveniences of menopause, there is something liberating about the whole process. Not only are periods, birth control, and cupboards full of feminine hygiene products a thing of the past, but also menopause brought a sense of freedom. I’m not sure why, but for me it felt like I was granted permission to speak up about the changes I was going through, rather than apologize for my emotions or worrying about what other people thought. At the end of the day, I felt stronger for having weathered the storm.


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It is so appreciated to find articles and information like this! Hopefully we are entering days where all of this will be more widely known, shared and helped as part of our natural lives (not kept swept aside like it’s something shameful)!

Joan on

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. You are spot on. I do agree with those who commented about the issues with sex. The pain from vaginal atrophy is too real and especially hard when you still really crave sex. Revaree helps but I sure wish I could have my estrogen back. It is like the fountain of youth for all the problems associated with Aging in general. Sorry to say but I find nothing good about Menopause. If I had the choice I would keep periods forever to avoid the effects of Menopause.

Paula on

I agree with other commenters that the number 1 thing no one talks about regarding menopause is the change in ability to have sex. Vaginal atrophy means PAINFUL (like shards of glass being inserted into a pinhole) sex that no amount of lube or special diet or other external remedy can address. Grieving the loss of your formal self is not liberating; it’s challenging and requires a level of acceptance that no one discusses. There is a paucity of medical information regarding how hormone therapy can address this problem.

Julie on

I wish I knew all of this 10years ago. Still having hot flashes. I sweat profusely which I never did before. I glistened like a lady, now especially on my face I just drop sweat and feel like I’m going to spontaneously combust while everyone else is covered up and hugging the heater.
But after 2-3 months of taking Relizen I think it’s beginning to help control this. Praise God.

Joe Johnson on

Thank you thank you thank you!! I agree that conversations about menopause are too rare…. I loved your candid attitude!!! Wonderful!!

DeLinn on

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