Did you notice that stores swapped Christmas garland and lights for chocolates and heart-shaped dĆ©cor even before the new year began? People eagerly anticipating a romantic holiday may find this exciting, but for those not feeling very sexual, Valentineās Day only adds to the pressure.
Itās not uncommon for women inĀ menopauseĀ to experienceĀ low libido,Ā vaginal dryness, orĀ pain during sexāall of which can affect your thoughts and feelings toward physical intimacy.1Ā So, when February 14thĀ rolls around, some menopausal women may not feel like celebrating.
If Cupid isnāt in your corner right now, donāt despair! Here are some tips to help you celebrate Valentineās Day and how to feel sexy during and after menopause, because you deserve to enjoy the holidayāeven if things feel a little different from 10 years ago.
1. Boost Your Body Image
Coming to terms with a changing body is a big reason some women in menopause donāt feel sexy, but itās totally possible toĀ boost your body image, even as you age. And this shift toward a moreĀ positive body imageĀ may even help boost your menopause sex drive.
You may be wondering; how can I feel sexy again? Try balancing negative thoughts withĀ positiveĀ ones: donāt like the shape of your upper body? Focus on your shapely legs instead, put on a pair of capris and show off those strong calves!Ā 2
To feel sexy after 50 and at any age, adding exercise to your daily routine could help improve how you look and feel. RegularĀ walksĀ and lightĀ strength trainingĀ have the power to positively affect the way you feel about your body. Exercise can help to significantly reduce stress andĀ anxiety, in addition to boosting overall happiness and wellnessāand it can even spice up your sex life.3Ā Weāre serious! There are actually a handful ofĀ exercisesĀ specifically designed to improve sex after 50 that may be worth exploring to support your sex drive during menopause āĀ check them out!
And donāt discount the positive effects buying yourself some new makeup or sexy lingerie can have. If it makes you feel confident and beautiful, then thereās no reason not to treat yourself.
2. Talk to Your Partner About Sex on Valentineās Day
You shouldnāt have to deal with discomfort from sex on your own, and you definitely shouldnāt feel like you need to hide it. You and your partner are a team, so be sure to share how youāre feeling, both physically and mentally, with them.
Maybe recurringĀ UTIās, which can become common during menopause, make it difficult to get in the mood, or perhaps vaginal dryness is making sex painful.Ā TalkingĀ honestly with your partner about why sex is difficult for you is important, and ideally, you and your mate will work together to come up with viable solutions.4Ā Sex, specifically on Valentineās Day, may seem like itās a requirement, even if itās not expected ā so, be sure to keep communicating and celebrate in a way that suits both of your needs.
3. Try a Few New Sex Positions
Itās no secret that sex during menopause is a bit different than when you were younger. Due to hormonal changes experienced during menopause, the vaginal lining can dry out and lose elasticity, which may cause discomfort, pain or evenĀ bleeding during or after sex. This loss of elasticity and natural lubrication can also make the vagina more prone to microabrasions during sex, which are tiny cuts in the vagina caused by friction that can put you at a greater risk for infections.
But donāt give up!
Investing in a good vaginal moisturizer and/or lubricant, can help to make sex more comfortable and ease symptoms that can contribute to pain or bleeding. Once youāve addressed the physical discomforts experienced with insertion or penetration, itās the perfect time to experiment with new sex positions, which may make intercourse more comfortable and spice up your Valentineās Day.Ā
A few sex positions to consider, include:5
- Hop on topĀ ā If you experience pain deep in your vagina near your cervix when having sex during menopause, being on top can help you control the penetration depth, as well as the pace.
- Consider a position on all foursĀ Ā ā When your partner is behind you, itās easier to stimulate your clitoris during penetration ā many women may not be able to orgasm from penetration alone, so this can be a great option to make sex more enjoyable for you and your partner.
- Oral sex is still sexĀ ā Not feeling like penetrative intercourse today? Oral sex is a great option! If youāre someone who struggles with persistent pain on insertion, oral sex still allows for mutual pleasure while limiting pain ā you can take turns pleasuring each other or explore positions that enable you to experience pleasure simultaneously.
- Try outercourseĀ ā In addition to oral sex, āoutercourse,ā or any type of intimacy that doesnāt involve penetration, can be a pain-free alternative, too! Think mutual (or solo) masturbation, using personal massagers, or even testing out a heavy make out session.
Be sure to keep some pillows and plenty of lubricant on hand, however, to help you maintain comfort when trying any of these sex positions, and to help you feel sexy again.
4. Celebrate Valentineās Day with Other Types of Intimacy
Remember, intimacy isnāt just about sex. If you truly feel out of sorts when it comes to penetrative sex, focus on other things that make you physically feel good. Kissing and holding hands are simple but romantic gestures, and backrubs are an amazing way to embrace the pleasure of touch with your partner. Also, remember to flirt! Itās fun, sexy, and it can make you both feel desirable.6
5. Consider Reading/Watching/Listening to Erotica
Feeling sexy and getting properlyĀ arousedĀ can certainly help to get things going. Cueing visuals on screen or in your imagination can be a great way to get your mind in the mood ā and you can experiment with any of these ideas alone or with your partner. Try Googling: āhottest sex scenes on Netflixā or watching an adult film that puts you in the mood; consider reading a paperback romance novel, or even using your imagination to get your heart (and thoughts) racing. Tuning into sexy music can help, too. Sometimes we just need to get our brain on board first, and ideally our body will follow.7
6. Make Time to De-Stress
Challenges that frequently occur in midlifeāworkĀ responsibilities, financial issues, caring for teens and aging parentsācan make it difficult to relax, which can also affect your sex drive.
StressĀ often takes a toll on relationships and depletes your energy levels.Ā MakingĀ a point to engage in activities you enjoy can help you find peace with yourself, which, in-turn, may carry over into your romantic relationships.Ā 8Ā Consider:
- MeditationĀ to relax your mind
- ExerciseĀ to feed your physical body
- Practicing deep breathing to reduce anxiety and stress
- MakingĀ sleepĀ a priority
- Eating nutritiousĀ mealsĀ and snacks
Remember, Sex on Valentineās DayĀ IsnātĀ a Requirement
Focusing on activities and feelings that you enjoyāwith the end goal of channeling your inner sexinessāis key as you enter menopause. If your self-image, specifically in the romance department, has been lacking, thereās no time like Valentineās Day to start a new and improved āme firstā mindset, because you absolutely deserve it!
Resources
- https://www.gennev.com/education/menopause-and-sexuality
- https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2137675/how-to-feel-sexy/
- https://www.menopause.org/for-women/menopauseflashes/women%27s-health-and-menopause/get-positive-about-body-image
- https://inspiredhealth.co.uk/blogs/the-menopause-blog/give-your-partner-a-night-sweat-to-remember-this-valentine-s-day
- https://www.webmd.com/menopause/menopause-sex-positions
- https://www.menohealth.co.uk/lifestyle/how-to-survive-valentines-day-as-a-menopausal-woman/
- https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2137675/how-to-feel-sexy/
- https://www.gennev.com/education/menopause-and-sexuality
