I was so excited to get my first period when I was in middle school; I was finally a woman! But after 33 years of spending a small fortune on bulky feminine products and tying jackets around my waist to hide the unmistakable red blot in the crotch of my pants, I was ready for it to end. Despite those mishaps, I was one of the lucky women who had a predictable period that showed up like clockwork every 28 days, until after my fifty-first birthday when it suddenly just...stopped.
The only other time that had happened was when I was pregnant. I was terrified that I was carrying a late-in-life baby and feared that I would end up on the cover of The National Enquirer: "FIFTY-ONE-YEAR-OLD WOMAN GIVES BIRTH TO TRIPLETS – CLAIMS SHE NEVER KNEW SHE WAS PREGNANT!" Of course, the pregnancy test came back negative, and only then did I consider that I might be on the brink of menopause.
The strange thing was that my menstrual symptoms did not stop during this weird, phantom period time. In fact, they still appeared regularly for months – but without the blood. I broke out in pimples, experienced painful bloating and had the worst gas. I also experienced Jekyll and Hyde-level mood swings that had me sobbing over Hallmark commercials.
These symptoms became more intense the longer I went without a period. I was bone-tired every day and extremely irritable. The numbers on the bathroom scale also changed – all I had to do was look at a slice of cake, and I'd gain five pounds. My weight continued to increase over the next few months.
Despite still having the usual symptoms that accompanied my menstruation, I went six months period-free. Rejoicing in this new freedom, I cleared my cabinets of all period products and started carrying cute little purses instead of the bulky totes that once held my arsenal of tampons, pads and liners.
All was well until I attended an outdoor festival on a hot Florida day and suddenly felt a dampness in my pants. I squeezed into a smelly, cramped port-a-potty, and there it was – my period, back again. What followed was a horrible, heavy period that lasted for 10 days, accompanied by searing cramps and a constant backache that left me sleeping with a pillow between my knees. It drained me of all energy and enthusiasm – even chocolate did nothing to lighten my foul mood. Once the period finally ended, I held onto a box of tampons, just in case.
Several months passed again without another period. The premenstrual acne disappeared but was replaced by a new symptom: hot flashes and night sweats. My doctor confirmed what I'd already suspected – I was in full-on perimenopause.
My daughter's college graduation came up later that spring, and I was so excited to get out of town for a few days and see my girl receive her diploma. The suitcases were loaded into the car, my husband impatient as I dashed around the house to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. I took a quick trip to the bathroom one more time before leaving, and there it was again: a red stain seeping into my underwear. This time, I was prepared – I dusted off the box of tampons and tossed them into the car. My period was not going to stop me from my vacation!
Thankfully, that period ended up being very brief, with minor bleeding and no cramping. I was so busy over the weekend that I didn't have time to give it much thought, but I remember hoping that it would be the last time I had to deal with the messiness of menstruation.
I never got my period again after that episode, and it was a tremendous relief. No more accidents, no more bloating or cramping or acne. No more scheduling my calendar around menstruation due dates.
I never viewed the cessation of my period as the loss of my youth or minimization of my femininity. Instead, I embraced the changes in my body and looked forward to entering a whole new phase of womanhood and freedom.
Recently, when my daughter was visiting, her period arrived unexpectedly. She asked if I had any tampons, so I dusted off that old box once more. Handing her the tampons felt like I was passing down the baton to a new generation. "Keep them," I said. "I won't be needing tampons again."
Nowadays, the only dates circled on my calendar are for birthdays, holidays, or vacation times. I'm living my life to the fullest, one period-free day at a time.
Omg! I don’t want to write another article. I will try to be brief….you hit every nail on the period! Haha! I read and read room after room… no one was hot but me. My mom had been gone 26 years now (I’m 51) and she was from the era that I’m not sure I would have asked her anyway. I called an older friend and blurted everything out, her diagnosis..peri is here girl!
I had not mention to her what I know now as the phantom period (I love it…perfect description) even existed. You go Bonifide! One of the best articles for me yet!!!! Marcia for me you left no stone unturned… I needed this!
This was an awesome article! It felt good to know that my feelings and experiences going into menopause was normal..
Oh my, if only!! My perimenopause began at age 42 and I had inconsistent periods for the next 5 years! Once I went 11 months without one and was sure I was done. Nope. There it was at month 12. They were very unpredictable and sometimes very heavy and sometimes barely there. But I had to be prepared at all times because I never knew when to expect it. When it finally ended for good at age 47 I was relieved and happy. However, now 9 years later I still have daily hot flashes, my weight steadily increases and I still don’t sleep well. I’m waiting for the day all this goes away for good!!
Have had since May, but I’ve gone this long before. 52 yo
Ha! This article is perfect timing. And, funny I just turned 51 twenty days ago and I’m 5 days late with fingers crossed that Aunt Flo has packed her bags and gone to live with some tween. Lol
I had two periods almost back to back in June and now this ghost period is lingering and lurking. But, I hope this is it.