Navigating Friendship in Midlife

In midlife, menopause isn’t the only thing contributing to notable change in your life. With shifting careers, evolving caregiving responsibilities, and the pressures of everyday life piling up, friendship may feel like an afterthought.

But research shows that our health and well-being may actually suffer when we lack meaningful connections, such as friendships.¹ Some studies even suggest that those who have friends are less likely to suffer from conditions such as depression or succumb to heart problems and other chronic diseases.^2,3,4 

So, how exactly can we begin enriching current friendships or create new ones during menopause? We’ve compiled a list of ways you can foster connections with friends, old and new, during midlife.

Tips for Making Friends in Menopause

From hot flashes and mood swings to trouble sleeping and staying energized, menopause may cause a variety of symptoms that many women don’t expect. Friends experiencing similar symptoms can offer helpful advice, or a sympathetic ear—which may, in turn, help to ease menopause symptoms.⁵ In fact, some women perceive their social circles to be more useful resources than their healthcare providers.⁶

So, where should you start? Here are three simple tips to consider if you’re looking to prioritize friendships in your life. 

• Get involved in your community.⁷ If there’s a hobby, activity, or sport you enjoy, now is a great time to check out groups in your community that cater to those interests. Consider doing an online search, browse recommendations on social media, or check out a local newspaper or message board for information on what’s happening nearby. One of the best ways to forge new friendships is by connecting with like-minded individuals who share the same interests as you. 
• Be open to invitations. If cancelled plans sound like your idea of a good time, you’re not alone. Psychologists even have a name for it: “last-minute it is;” this refers to the phenomenon of modern-day meetup cancellations in social circles.⁸ While a night at home may seem like a tempting reprieve, if you’re experiencing feelings of loneliness or isolation during menopause, you may find much-needed relief in hanging out with friends.⁹ Not only should you consider making an effort to be more open to accepting and attending invitations to hang out, it’s important to feel empowered to extend your own invitations to outings, too. 
• Reconnecting with friends during menopause. A viral Dutch study suggested that people lose half of their close network members every seven years.¹⁰ Without close, regular contact with coworkers or classmates—and with less free time than ever before—maintaining existing connections may seem daunting. But, since research shows that the best indicator of health in old age is quality of relationships, it’s worth trying to reconnect with friends during menopause—even if it’s been a while since you’ve spent time together.¹¹ Try starting out with a phone call or text message or plan to meet up at your favorite local spot in town. Some research suggests it takes at least 50 hours of time together to move from acquaintances to friends and another 200 to be “close friends.” It’s best to plan to invest time and patience into rekindling old friendships—which may pay off in dividends as you potentially traverse menopause together.¹²

Navigating Friendship in Midlife Is Possible—and Essential

Making new friendships or refurbishing old ones during menopause may feel intimidating or overwhelming at first, but it’s essential to aging well.

Resources

1. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
2. https://journals.plos.org/plosmedicine/article?id=10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
3. https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1219686110
4. https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.ajp.2020.19111158
5. https://www.drlouisenewson.co.uk/knowledge/how-friends-can-ease-your-menopause
6. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/07399330802179247
7. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860
8. https://www.bustle.com/p/why-does-it-feel-so-good-to-cancel-plans-experts-say-this-is-the-reason-you-love-to-flake-8318563
9. https://josephroofehmd.com/does-menopause-make-you-want-to-be-alone/
10. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090527111907.htm
11. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rising-resilience/202012/friendship-maintenance-required
12. https://news.ku.edu/news/article/2018/03/06/study-reveals-number-hours-it-takes-make-friend