Questions to Ask Your Mom About Her Menopause Journey

Menopause |
5 min read

Written By

Olena Perez

Published

May 08, 2026

Medically reviewed by

Alyssa Dweck MS, MD, FACOG, MSCP, Chief Medical Officer

Think back to when your mother was in her 40s or early 50s. Can you remember any times when she didn’t quite seem like herself? She may have been more irritable or emotional, or perhaps she was more tired because she was struggling with sleepless nights.

At the time, you probably didn’t realize she was going through the menopause transition—and, chances are, she likely didn’t either. In fact, according to Bonafide’s most recent State of Menopause survey results, we found that close to 60% of women reported not knowing about perimenopause, the 2-8 transitional years leading up to menopause,¹ before they started to experience it.²

Perimenopause symptoms often start during your 40s, but it’s not impossible for them to start earlier.³ The abovementioned knowledge gap regarding the perimenopause and menopause experience is likely one reason why the topic isn’t brought up as readily in family conversations. Plus, it’s been found that many women don’t actively seek support from family or friends during this time, partly because it’s historically been a difficult subject to talk about.⁴

Making the time to talk to your mother about her menopause experience matters—not just as a way to gain support, but also because her journey may offer meaningful clues about your own. Lifestyle factors certainly play a role, but your genetics also can contribute to when and how the transition begins, as well as your symptom experience. This makes your family medical history a valuable source of information, specifically when traversing menopause.⁵

If your mother is open to a conversation, consider thinking through some specific menopause questions to help you get started.

What Do You Know About Our Menopause Family History?

You might be surprised to learn how little menopause was discussed even just a generation ago. Your mom may have never spoken about it at all with her mother, which means determining your own menopause family history could be largely uncharted territory.

That said, knowing the age that women entered menopause in your family can still offer a general blueprint, as research suggests that the menopause experience may not be entirely random.6 Understanding your female family member’s menopause history won’t predict your experience exactly, but it may help you feel less caught off guard when the time comes.

At What Age Did You Start Menopause?

Understanding your mother’s perimenopause timeline is one of the more useful things you can learn. As mentioned earlier, perimenopause may begin close to a decade before menopause, as the ovaries gradually start producing less estrogen.⁷ Knowing when your mom first noticed this shift, and what symptoms appeared first, may give you a meaningful head start on how to manage your own menopause experience.

Some questions worth asking can include:

Did your symptoms come on gradually or feel sudden?
Were hot flashes or night sweats among the first signs?
How long did you have symptoms before your period completely stopped

While your experience won’t be identical to your mother’s, her timeline can offer an indication of when symptoms could start and how long the transition could last. It may also help with evaluating your early menopause risk.⁸

What Were Your Main Menopause Symptoms?

You may have read that menopause currently has 34 recognized symptoms⁹, ranging from more familiar ones like vaginal dryness and hot flashes to more surprising ones like itchy ears or dry eyes; and the list continues to grow. Finding out which symptoms were most disruptive for your mom could give you a helpful preview of what to prepare for.

Genetic factors are thought to influence around 50% of women’s menopause experiences, primarily the timing of early onset.¹⁰ Understanding your early menopause risk through asking your female family detailed menopause questions may help you recognize early signs—like changes in sleep, mood, or energy—as potential indicators of perimenopause rather than unrelated concerns. As always, be sure to consult with your healthcare provider if you’re experiencing new and/or disruptive symptoms so they can help determine the best management approach for you.

What Menopause Treatments or Solutions Worked for You?

There are many options to consider when it comes to managing your menopause symptoms— from prescription medications, to over-the-counter products and lifestyle modifications. Finding out what worked best to help your mom navigate her hot flashes, mood swings, or sleep disruptions is a practical first step to your own menopause care planning that many women may not think of.

Systemic or localized hormone therapy is often incredibly effective for symptom management during menopause, though it can carry some potential health considerations, including risk of heart disease, stroke, and blood clots.^11,12Be sure to have an open conversation with your healthcare provider about your symptom management options, as they can help you evaluate which option(s) may be right for you.

The Importance of Talking to Your Mom About Menopause

Menopause is something every woman will go through, so there’s no reason we shouldn’t be talking more about it. Opening up a conversation with your mother has the potential to be a meaningful bonding experience as well as a helpful tactic for getting prepared for your own transition. After decades of silence around the topic, menopause is receiving the attention it deserves.

Now is a great time to ask questions that matter and can better prepare you for the menopause transition. The more you understand your family’s history, the better equipped you’ll be to recognize symptoms, have productive conversations with your healthcare provider, and approach your own menopause planning with confidence.¹³

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